mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
