just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
