Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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