Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
