the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
