i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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