he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
