it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
