According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
