I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
