i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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