I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
