All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
