i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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