who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
