It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
