ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
