Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
is that a dick in a sweater?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
