you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
