Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
