you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
