Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
