i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
