and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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