I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
