Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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