I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
