It's Friday. Sex?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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