Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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