her vagine was all disorganized.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
