If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I love having hate sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
