i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
