i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Are my feet made of real feet?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
