My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
