dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I could make wine with my vomit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
