I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
false alarm. still invincible.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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