so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
