I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
