I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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