ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
