Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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