I have demons in me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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