took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
