i was born a porn star she said
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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