I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
