Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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