so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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