after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How's work?
Spinning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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