Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
