bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
