eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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