I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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