You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
