his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This is my gift to your gina
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I pour the whiskey from now on
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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