i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
